Compressed squeals

My car battery died. My latest research languishes half-written on my hard drive. My receipts for travel reimbursement lie unsubmitted on my floor. My academic future is yet to be decided. So what better way to spend an afternoon than by browsing the SPAM Haiku Archive, and compiling the 62 finest exemplars of the genre into this file?

If you’re sitting in a shared office, or are drinking a beverage such as milk, please click at your own risk. The yuks-to-syllable ratio is one of the highest I’ve seen in months, and I’ve never even tasted the stuff.

4 Responses to “Compressed squeals”

  1. secret milkshake Says:

    I was going out to grab somethig for diner – and I can save money now. So thanx for sharing.

    (The stuff has an alien pinkish color, greasy+lumpy+gelatinous texture and salty, very processed taste – as if somebody was marinating it in concentrated MSG for generations.)

    Once isolated in a dorm cabin in the middle of mountains, we subsisted on luncheon meat for 2 weeks. The logging company that hired us to re-plant the forrest did not give damn; the lucheon meat was the only source of protein available to us. Fortunately the cheap czech SPAM knockoff came in large round 1 kg cans (not small squarish ones like the genuine, delicious brand) and our dorm had very long hallways. So we held some good pork-bowling competitions there.

    Btw, they used to sell the turkey and beef version of this horror, if you are tempted.

  2. Pyracantha Says:

    I’m disappointed. I thought it meant haiku derived from SPAM e-mails. Internet spams have “word salad” generators which often create hilarious and bizarre combinations. Has anyone compiled a list of these?

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Car battery died??

    I thought you had a newish prius. Something fellow prius owners should be worried about?

  4. Scott Says:

    I hope not! I’ll have it towed to the dealership to figure out what’s wrong.