{"id":398,"date":"2009-04-19T21:13:29","date_gmt":"2009-04-20T01:13:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/?p=398"},"modified":"2009-04-19T21:13:29","modified_gmt":"2009-04-20T01:13:29","slug":"let-no-one-call-me-an-enemy-of-the-arts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/?p=398","title":{"rendered":"Let no one call me an enemy of the arts"},"content":{"rendered":"

From San Francisco, CA, en route to UC Berkeley, Shtetl-Optimized<\/em> is proud to bring you…<\/p>\n

I JUST DO THEORY
\n<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Winner of the 2007 Aaronson\/Gasarch Complexity Theme Song Contest<\/a> (beating out “You Down with SPP”<\/a> and other audience favorites)<\/p>\n

Da MP3<\/a><\/font>, as recently recorded by “Homage the Halfrican Cracker.”<\/strong>
\n(Stage name of Dustin Lee, a singer and dance instructor based in Calgary, Canada.\u00a0 Homage is currently a finalist for Best Song at the Calgary Folk Festival.\u00a0 Here<\/a> is his YouTube channel, and here<\/a> are previews of his music.\u00a0 Hey, you sing the greatest CS theory rap of all time, you get a free plug on Shtetl-Optimized<\/em>.)<\/font><\/p>\n

Lyrics by Aaron Sterling<\/a>, 23 June 2007.
\nInspired by Weird Al Yankovic\u2019s \u201cWhite & Nerdy.\u201d
\nOriginal music and words by Chamillionaire, \u201cRiding.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

They see me proving my theorem.
\nI know they\u2019re all thinking I just do theory.
\nThink I just do theory.
\nThink I just do theory.
\nCan\u2019t you see I just do theory?
\nLook at me, I just do theory!
\nI wanna code with the hackers
\nBut so far they all think I just do theory.
\nThink I just do theory.
\nI just do theory.
\nI just do theory.
\nReally, truly, just do theory.<\/p>\n

I wrote a program that solved TSP
\nSuperquasipolynomially.
\nAin\u2019t no such thing as lunch for free
\nWhen you\u2019re digesting P-NP.
\nUnnatural proofs are my favorite vice
\nWhen I dream of solver\u2019s paradise.
\nBut my poor construction won\u2019t suffice,
\nEven when I add Karp-Lipton advice.
\nYo! There\u2019s more to life than just systems!
\nJust too mathy? Quit your grumping.
\nI may not get the joint jumping
\nBut my lemmas can do some pumping.
\nI declare to all my detractors
\nTo exchange keys you need extractors.
\nYou can\u2019t improve with blind refactors.
\nYou need me, not ten contractors.
\nDon\u2019t know how to start an IDE
\nBut I always win at compIP.
\nI\u2019m a wizard bounding MA-E,
\nPlaying games in PPAD.
\nMy languages are always acceptable.
\nMy LaTeX skills? They are impeccable.
\nMy proofs are probabilistically checkable.
\nBut what I compile just isn\u2019t respectable.
\nYou see, I just do theory.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re on RA, while I\u2019m teaching.
\nThat\u2019s how they know that I just do theory.
\nKnow I just do theory
\nKnow I just do theory
\nI admit it, I just do theory.
\nLook at me, I just do theory.
\nI\u2019d like to code with the hackers
\nAlthough it\u2019s apparent I just do theory
\nYes, I just do theory
\nRight, I just do theory
\nI just do theory.
\nWhy is it I can just do theory?<\/p>\n

I aced math classes in school.
\nOne-Ten is my favorite rule.
\nIntractability\u2019s really cool.
\nI\u2019ve been unplugging while you were debugging.
\nYour Windows crashed, your hard disk\u2019s whirring,
\nBut my platforms all are Turing.
\nNot a lot of exceptions get thrown
\nApproximating Diophantines with twelve unknowns.
\nI\u2019m the department\u2019s main instructor.
\nWhen they need a course taught, who do they ask?
\nI\u2019m always up to the task.
\nIt beats sitting on my ass.
\nI\u2019m trying to cold-start my social network
\nSaying “Busy Beaver” with a smirk.
\nIn galleries I troll, in weblogs I lurk.
\nBut it\u2019s hard to reach Big O if you won\u2019t tell the world hello.
\nMy grandest conceit is that my brain is PSPACE-complete.
\nMy calculus is lambda and my math is discrete.
\nThe only problem that ever made me halt
\nWas whether Samson or Delilah won by default.
\nMy theorem statements are ungrounded.
\nAll my measures are resource-bounded.<\/p>\n

They see me struggling at runtime.
\nThey feel sorry because I just do theory.
\nYes, it\u2019s true, I just do theory.
\nYes, it\u2019s true, I just do theory.
\nAll because I just do theory.
\nBQP, I just do theory.
\nI wanna code with the hackers
\nBut oh well, they can tell I just do theory.
\nI just do theory.
\nI just do theory.
\nYes, I just do theory.
\nQED, I just do theory.<\/p>\n

(everybody shout)<\/em> Box!<\/p>\n

[Here’s the PDF<\/a>.\u00a0 Thanks so much to Aaron and Homage for the permission.\u00a0 After this song goes viral, and gets ten times more hits than Susan Boyle<\/a>, just remember: you heard it here first.\u00a0 Peace out, BQP-dawg]<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From San Francisco, CA, en route to UC Berkeley, Shtetl-Optimized is proud to bring you… I JUST DO THEORY Winner of the 2007 Aaronson\/Gasarch Complexity Theme Song Contest (beating out “You Down with SPP” and other audience favorites) Da MP3, as recently recorded by “Homage the Halfrican Cracker.” (Stage name of Dustin Lee, a singer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-complexity","category-procrastination"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=398"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scottaaronson.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}